The Feeling of Resistance (“I just don’t wanna!")

That feeling of “I just don’t want to ______”

• Go to work
• Get out of bed
• Go to bed
• Talk to this patient 

Resistance and I are intimately acquainted with each other; and I suspect that this is true for you as well. 

Where does this come from? I know for me, this feeling of resisting something, including something that I need to do, sometimes something even that I want to do, often comes from either an unmet need elsewhere in my life, or fear that I am going to feel something else uncomfortable. Maybe I should go to bed and I’m exhausted, but I’m resisting it because I also need something fun, and my phone is luring me in. Maybe I don’t want to go to work, because I’m dreading an uncomfortable conversation with a patient, and I’m expecting to have difficult emotions during/after.

For those of us who are so used to persevering, pushing through discomfort in service of others (patients, friends, family, kids, etc), this resistance can become really common; it’s a normal response to constantly ignoring your own needs. And these behaviors of pushing through have been reinforced in us as physicians, as well as if we are people-pleasers, and/or otherwise socialized to prioritize others (working moms, I’m looking at you!).

You are a normal human, and not broken if you too feel this way. And if you are looking for answers in the business/personal development world, and seeing messaging from (mostly) old, white men telling you to “just try harder,” “be disciplined,” the resistance and self-judgment will likely only amp up.

So let’s just not.

Choose instead to see your resistance as a normal response to overworking and not getting your needs met. And instead of pushing harder, invite yourself to acknowledge the feeling, and decide to take care of yourself instead. Without judging yourself for having needs.

Yes, you are still going to need to push through at times; like when your kid is sick, or someone’s coding. But let’s let go of the idea that we should always be pushing ourselves. Let’s decide that some things are just not that important and we’re going to let go of them in service of our needs.

It’s uncomfortable to do this. It’s uncomfortable to choose to rest, go to bed, take 10 minutes to eat etc when you know you have “stuff to do.” But if you want to get out of resistance, taking care of yourself is necessary. When you set boundaries on the time and energy you pour into others, you create more time and energy for yourself, which ultimately serves everyone better.

So today, this weekend, this month

When you feel the resistance…

Ask yourself, what do I really need? 

And then go get it.