Do You Know What's Out Of Bounds?

boundaries difficult conversations Aug 13, 2022

In adult life, whether at work or at home, sometimes it’s hard to know what the rules are. Of course, some are clear. There are laws, rules of conduct in businesses and the like that set some basic standards.

But what are the rules for helping your aging parents? Or being the leader of your clinic pod/team?

Sometimes we get handed roles without clear borders, and many of us never spend time finding out where the boundaries are. But what happens when we do this? We may underperform, we may overstep our authority, we may patronize and make assumptions. It may not be pretty, and it often results in relationship conflicts, hurt feelings, and frustration.

Contrast this with understanding the boundaries of the role by intentionally seeking clarity, and encouraging discussion, however awkward. Sitting down with said aging parents for example, and asking what they are concerned about, what they need help with, and having the opportunity to share your concerns back, including concerns about future potential problems, including around finances, physical debility, memory issues and the like.

Imagine sitting down with your clinic leadership to get clarity on the role of pod/team leader. Do you have responsibilities with the clinical performance of your team, or is your role limited to running weekly meetings?

Many of these roles have unclear borders because no one sat down to think about it. But you can. And imagine the freedom that comes with having better clarity. Instead of worrying about your parents, you can be grateful that you had a discussion about how things are now, and what to do if something changes. Or knowing that your job is to be a liaison between the clinical leadership and the frontline teams, but you aren’t responsible for hiring, firing or coaching for performance, and thus you know what to focus on each week.

When we take the time to ask and seek clarity, we usually gain freedom and lessen our own anxieties. We also prompt to others to think more clearly about our role, and what is important for them and for us. And there can be a tremendous ripple effect that may extend far beyond the people in your immediate circle. Imagine again that conversation with your parents. And then your mom talks to her friend, who chooses to have a conversation with her kids about what she wants as she gets older, and so on. Your courage to ask the questions and open conversations helps others to grow their own capacity for courage.

In other words, when we are willing to be vulnerable, and ask questions and gain clarity, we have the potential to not only better understand our own role, but we also elevate those around us with our bravery. Win-win.

Hi There!

I'm Megan. I'm a Physician and a Life Coach and a Mom. I created this blog to help other Physicians and Physician-Moms learn more about why they feel exhausted, burned-out and overwhelmed, and how to start to make changes. I hope that you enjoy what you read, and that it helps you along your journey. And hey, if you want to talk about coaching with me, I'm here for that too! I offer a free 1:1 call to see if we are a good fit. Click the button below to register today.

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Do You Know What's Out Of Bounds?

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