Why You're Struggling with Self-Care as a Physician (And Why It's Not Your Fault)

Originally shared on Episode 187 of the Ending Physician Overwhelm podcast

If you're a physician who feels like you're constantly struggling to take care of yourself despite knowing how important it is, I have news that might completely change how you see your situation.

You are not failing at self-care. You are navigating something that has never existed before.

The Unprecedented Reality You're Living

Here's what makes your struggle different from any generation of physicians before you: You are the first to practice medicine with explicit, academic knowledge of the harm that medical work causes to your health.

Think about this timeline:

• Robust conversations about physician burnout only exploded in the last 10-15 years
• We now have studies showing the average primary care physician needs 26.7 hours per day to meet all patient care needs
• Research reveals that while patients have better outcomes with women physicians, those women physicians' health suffers significantly
• We have concrete data on the "toxicity" of healthcare work environments

Previous generations of doctors practiced without this knowledge. They didn't have wellness conferences, burnout prevention talks, or extensive literature on physician mental health.

You, however, are working while fully aware that your job is harming you; and you're trying to figure out how to take care of yourself without clear models of how to do it successfully.

Why You Feel So Disconnected

Despite being surrounded by people all day (patients, staff, colleagues). you might feel profoundly lonely. That's because being around people isn't the same as being connected to them.

You're living in the most connected yet disconnected time in history. Your smartphone, pager, Epic messages, and Teams notifications keep you constantly available, making true rest nearly impossible. But this hyper-connectivity doesn't fulfill your emotional and relational needs.

The solution starts outside of work. Before trying to feel more connected at work, focus on deepening connections with people you love; family, friends, partners, even pets. Practice being fully present with them.

The Boundary Battle You Didn't Sign Up For

Here's something they didn't teach you in medical school: Boundaries are an inside job, and they will face external resistance.

People expect physicians to function like autonomous robots: available 24/7, answering questions instantly, never needing rest or personal time. These expectations haven't disappeared just because we now understand burnout.

When you set boundaries, you'll bump up against these unrealistic expectations. That doesn't make your boundaries wrong, it makes them necessary.

You cannot wait for everyone to be comfortable with your self-care before you start practicing it. The healthcare system won't fix itself first. Other people's discomfort with your boundaries isn't your responsibility to manage.

The Self-Care Paradox

Many physicians fall into this trap: "I'll take care of everyone else's needs first, then I'll take care of myself." This approach is not only unsustainable, it's counterproductive.

When you consistently neglect your own needs, you cannot show up as your best self for your patients. The guilt you feel about taking time for yourself? That inner voice telling you it's selfish and wasteful? That's not your truth, it's conditioning.

Consider this: If you believe your mistakes as a physician can cause lasting damage, you must also acknowledge that everything you do to prevent those mistakes, including taking care of yourself, brings lasting positive impact to your career and the lives you touch.

What This Means for You Right Now

Stop beating yourself up for not having it all figured out. You're not supposed to know exactly how to navigate these unprecedented challenges.

The innovations in medicine (AI, new medications, robotic surgery, telemedicine) all come with new challenges that previous generations never faced. Just as you learn to adapt to new medical technologies, you're learning to adapt to new realities of physician wellness.

Approach your struggles with curiosity instead of self-criticism. You can always be learning and growing, but do it from a place of self-kindness rather than self-judgment.

Your Next Steps

1. Acknowledge the reality: You're facing challenges no previous generation of physicians has navigated
2. Start with connection: Deepen relationships with people you love outside of work
3. Practice boundaries: Start small, expect resistance, stay consistent
4. Embrace imperfection: You don't need to have it all figured out to start taking better care of yourself

Remember: You chose medicine because you wanted to help people heal. You cannot do that sustainably without also helping yourself heal.

The work you do matters immensely. The lives you touch are forever changed by your skill, compassion, and dedication. But you matter too; not just as a physician, but as a human being deserving of rest, care, and kindness.

You're stronger and more impactful than you realize. And you don't have to wait until everything is perfect to start honoring that truth.

Want to dive deeper into these concepts? Listen to the full episode of Ending Physician Overwhelm podcast, Episode 187: "Remember THIS When You Need It." If you're ready to create sustainable self-care practices that work with your real life as a physician, I'd love to support you. Join my email list for weekly messages of hope and practical strategies, or schedule a 1:1 coaching discovery call to explore what's possible for you.