What IS Possible? Breaking the Rules That Keep You Stuck

I'm sitting on a beach in Washington state as I write this, having just recorded a podcast from this same spot, the sound of waves in the background and my kids building elaborate sand fortresses nearby (actually, it’s just big holes, but…). Three years ago, when I started my podcast, I would have never done something like this. Too uncontrolled. Too messy. Too... human.

But here's what I've learned after years of working with overwhelmed physicians: The rules we create for ourselves are often the biggest barriers to what's actually possible.

The Rules We Don't Even Know We're Following

Last week in Episode 185, we talked about what's NOT possible - all those unrealistic expectations we carry around like invisible weights. This week, I want to flip that script entirely.

What IS possible when you stop following rules that don't serve you?

Let me tell you about a rule I broke just by being here.

A few months ago, one of my children experienced a health crisis. As a physician and a mother, my brain immediately shifted into crisis mode: "No fun allowed. No relaxation. No thinking about anything except managing this situation."

Sound familiar? We're trained to do this. Medicine teaches us that everything is urgent, everything is a crisis, and we must constantly be in sprint mode.

But when I zoomed out and asked myself what was actually important about this moment in our lives, everything shifted.

The Three Questions That Change Everything

1. What rules have you created that aren't really necessary?

During my employed physician days, we had these daily "double book sheets." Every morning, we'd choose when we wanted to be overworked. When did we want that extra patient squeezed in? Morning? Lunch? End of day?

I used to dutifully fill mine out, getting angrier each time. My internal rule said I had to be a "team player." I had to participate.

Until one day, I realized: I don't actually have to do this. I don't have to choose when to be overworked. I can just... not write anything down.

So I stopped. And you know what happened? Nothing. Zero people commented. Zero consequences.

That's the power of questioning your rules.

2. When you zoom out, what's actually important about this moment?

Here's what I realized sitting in crisis mode a few months ago: My kids lived through a global pandemic when they were very young. Now they're 10 and 13, fully conscious and creating lasting memories.

I don't want them to look back at this summer and only remember medical appointments and their mom being stressed. I want them to remember digging holes in the sand and getting excited about hotel pools.

When you step back from the immediate pressure and gain perspective from your decades of life experience, what becomes important?

3. How will you use this information to take action?

Here's the integration piece: What will you let go of to create space for what's important to you?

This isn't about adding more to your already full plate. It's about questioning the systems you're participating in and making conscious choices about where you spend your energy.

What This Looks Like in Real Life

In medicine:

• Not volunteering for every committee because someone asks
• Setting boundaries around non-urgent communications
• Refusing to participate in "planned incompetence" (like those double book sheets)
• Recognizing that your career is a marathon, not a sprint

In life:

• Booking the "good enough" vacation instead of waiting for perfect
• Choosing presence over productivity sometimes
• Letting your kids enjoy the hotel breakfast even if you don't love it
• Breaking your own rules about how things "should" be done

The Truth About Rules in Medicine

Medical training is designed to teach us to police ourselves. We internalize that critical voice - what I call the "angry old white man in our heads" - telling us we're not working hard enough, not doing enough, not being enough.

But here's what that voice doesn't tell you: You are already enough.

You're a physician. You literally save lives and change futures. You have more power and impact than you realize. You get to choose which rules to follow and which ones to quietly let go.

Your Turn

I want you to pick one rule you've created for yourself - either in your medical practice or in your personal life - and really question it.

• Do you actually have to respond to every message immediately?
• Do you actually have to say yes to every request?
• Do you actually have to make everyone happy all the time?
• Do you actually have to wait for perfect conditions to do something you want?

What becomes possible when you stop following rules that don't serve you?

Medicine will always operate like everything is a crisis. Healthcare systems will always want you sprinting. But you get to choose your pace. You get to decide what's important. You get to create space for what matters.

Ready to explore what's possible in your life and career? Listen to the full episode here for more insights on breaking free from the rules that keep you stuck.

Want more conversations like this delivered to your inbox? Join our community of physicians who are redefining what's possible in medicine and life.

Feeling stuck and ready for a different approach? Schedule a discovery call to explore how coaching might help you design a life that actually works for you.

The question isn't whether change is possible. The question is: What will you let go of to make space for what you actually want?