Letting Go of Vicarious Shame as a Woman Physician
Feb 20, 2026
If you’ve felt heavier lately, you’re not imagining it.
As information continues to surface about physicians connected to the Epstein files, many women physicians are experiencing something difficult to name.
It isn’t guilt.
It isn’t direct responsibility.
It isn’t even primarily anger.
It’s vicarious shame.
What Is Vicarious Shame?
Shame says: I am bad.
Guilt says: I did something bad.
Vicarious shame is when we feel shame on behalf of someone else’s actions.
Women physicians often identify deeply with the profession. Years of training blur the line between role and identity. When misconduct emerges—especially involving powerful male physicians—it can feel like a stain on all of us.
But here’s the truth:
You are not responsible for their behavior.
You are not required to carry their shame.
You are not complicit simply because you share a title.
Why This Hits So Hard
Medicine institutionalizes shame. From early training, performance and worth become intertwined. Many women physicians also carry additional burdens—being underestimated, overextended, and expected to represent the profession flawlessly.
So when abuses of power surface, it can trigger:
- A heaviness in the body
- Compulsive scrolling
- A questioning of identity
- A subtle sense of contamination
None of this means you did anything wrong.
It means you care.
How to Let It Go
- Name it. Simply labeling “vicarious shame” can reduce its intensity.
- Talk about it. Shame dissolves in safe connection.
- Release it intentionally. Write it down. Speak it aloud. Choose to give back what isn’t yours.
- Practice awareness. Notice how quickly you assume responsibility that doesn’t belong to you.
You are not the bad actor.
You provide care with integrity.
You hold responsibility seriously.
You do not exploit your power.
That matters.
If this resonates, I invite you to listen to Episode 216 of Ending Physician Overwhelm: Letting Go of Vicarious Shame.
And if you’d like weekly reflections like this delivered straight to your inbox, join my email list for women physicians who are done carrying everything alone.
We can care deeply without absorbing what doesn’t belong to us.
And that’s powerful work.
References:
Any talk about shame that I do and how we feel is incomplete without acknowledging the work of Brenè Brown, PhD, LMSW. The above episode centers ourself in her research, and I highly recommend starting with her book Rising Strong if you are not familiar with her work.
Hi There!
I'm Megan. I'm a Physician and a Life Coach and a Mom. I created this blog to help other Physicians and Physician-Moms learn more about why they feel exhausted, burned-out and overwhelmed, and how to start to make changes. I hope that you enjoy what you read, and that it helps you along your journey. And hey, if you want to talk about coaching with me, I'm here for that too! I offer a free 1:1 call to see if we are a good fit. Click the button below to register today.
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